HearthRick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Rick develops an app game to provide the family with enough money not to worry so much about Morty's future.


Morty goes to the fridge and makes himself a big glass of sodie pop with but a few ice cubes. Walking by guzzling his fizzy carbonated beverage he notices Rick hunched over typing away at a laptop.

"Oh gee Rick thats...thats unlike you to be that attentive with normal everyday technology. I was expecting your laptop to have like...blinking lights all over it and make Star Trek noises or something y'know?"

"You're...(belch) you're such a drama queen Morty! No your grandpa is just sick of your pussy ass father complaining to me about how by taking you on adventures is gonna stunt your growth. I mean given the immense radiation I'd be shocked if you were able to complete puberty or grow past five foot but..."

"Wait what Rick?!"

"Nothing Morty...so I (belch uhh) in my infinite wisdom...am just gonna quickly program a shitty little app game and credit it to your legal name. You'll make a few millions and Jerry can shut the hell up."

"You're making an app game Rick? I mean thats cool I guess...I like video games. But like...the app market is a very cut throat business Rick. A lot of developers pour their heart and soul into those games and end up no better than when they started out."

"Thats just horse shit Morty... most of those dumbass games you play are released in the beta stage. Why do you think they have new patches every week? Im putting literally zero of my effort into this Morty."

Morty looks over and sees the title screen.

"Hearthricks? Really?"

"Its perfect Morty...there is literally nothing to this game. Its just sleek graphics full of cool looking things like demons and dinosaurs and robots battling it out in a yugioh carz game style mechanism. You collect these these stupid cards but to actually win more than once a hundred times you'll need to flesh out money not for cards...but for imaginary currency you use to buy cards with. Distracting you on a multitide of levels with colors, sound effects, rewards, and trade so that you dont notice theres no strategy at all. Like literally I just have these cards have a percentage chance of you winning vs opponents card negating your win until one of you does win. All that text about battle damage, special summoning from the hand, etc is just a ruse."

"Wow Rick...do you really think games are just a cynic's method to make easy money off of mentally and physically unfit nu-males who are so insecure they'll spend a small fortune to be a top ranking player in your card game app just so they can hold it over the heads of more casual players who are like...playing this over the toilet?"

"Look Morty you just won...the anime girl is happy for you and when she jumps her titties bounce. Five star rating Morty. Soooo addictive huuurrrr!!!"

"Wow Rick. I mean...I mean its understanble you"d hold contempt for these people but couldnt you use your intelligence to reason with them and get them over this toxic mindset instead of capitalizing on their fragile egos that replace masculinity with pettiness?"

"Yeah Morty (belch!) you go try to do that and get banned on Reddit for it. Grandpa's still gonna spend about...an hour making you a solid ten million."

In but a few weeks everyone at school is talking about Hearthricks as the app game for the intellectual gamer. With enough hardline mechanics where you have to consider your moves carefully but enough randomness where even a newfag scrub like Morty could just open the free booster pack every 24 hours and win a few games...

Morty tries to tell some of the classmates that there is literally no tactic to the game its just probability. "Hell didnt you notice your trap card said it destroys all zombie monsters on the field but it didnt? it destroyed two. And there was four..."

The classmate rolls his eyes and walks away from Morty.

"Whatever Morty...you're just a salty hater who can't get pass bronze tier. Maybe learn how to play and spend five weeks losing to cheap cookie cutter decklists found on the subreddit before you criticize!"

"Oh geez Rick was right..."

Immediately after the teacher grabs the students attention and informs the class he's quitting his teaching job and focusing on his "career" as he floats quotation hand gestures as a HearthRicks youtube celebrity talking about the new meta every three months and how no matter what at least two out of three players will use a dragon deck. Its the third one who doesn't you gotta worry about and with his advise you are guaranteed to win at least 25% of the time which should go without saying for a game but only sore losers and trolls expect to win once in a while in a game without extensive study and prep.

Jerry does letup about Rick taking Morty on random adventures now that they can easily afford his college fund and an early retirement for Beth and him and Rick did it in a completely legal way.

"Actually (belch) Jerry the game industry is fifty shades of legal grey...like just copyright and monetization of these free2plays alone. Let alone when you take into consideration threatening lawsuits, banning paying customers, and...you know what? Nevermind. Totally legal Jerry. Glad we could come to some sort of agreement. You are Morty's father and you just want him to have a future."

"Also Rick incase you hadnt noticed the number 3 best player is Jerry69. Heh...I might even be better at this game than YOU Rick! And you made it!"

Rick rolls his eyes and just pulls a candy bar out of his pocket ripping the wrapper to nibble on.

"Yep Jerry...you're the top Hearthricks player. Even the programmers dont know how you do it."

Jerry freaks out because players under his score are reporting him for cheating.

"Rick you gotta do something! These damn kids who spend entirely too much time and money on a mediocre video game are blindly accusing me of cheating because Ive threatened the only thing about them that makes them feel powerful!"

"Cant help you Jerry...gotta go eat this candybar and have an adventure with Morty."


End file.
